mf - story #6214 - Dear DSK

Dear DSK
posted by c4r0lyn on February 4th, 2012 at 10:25AM

(Published on Christmas 2011)

The time came for me to rise above it all.

I stopped trying to explain how it was that I was reacting to something someone else did.

It didn’t matter.

Even if I could convince anyone of their role in my actions, it wouldn’t have changed anything.

It didn’t matter how anyone provoked or incited me.

It didn’t matter who was to blame.

"I think it’s about .. forgiveness .. even if .. "
(http://www.youtube.com/wa...feature=youtu.be)

All that mattered was that I could face the truth afterwards - Uncloaked and undistorted unwaveringly.

That I could look at everything that happened with no inclinations to omit anything.

No shame, no fear, no self-loathing.

No regrets, even if there were disappointments.

With open eyes and an open mind, I needed to accept life -

Not out of tiredness or frustration; neither from pressure nor indifference -

This is my life:

Coloured by people ,

Enriched through wisdom,

Tempered by experience.

And I did it. I was finally able to not only move on,

But more importantly,

To move foreward.

..

Good luck in 2012

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posted by dennisn on February 4th, 2012 at 11:21AM

"Moving on / moving forward" can be taken to mean a few different things.

It can mean traditional / obsolete monogamous relationships, in which one "moves on" from one distinct and tidy one to another.

It can also mean getting out of patterns/loops ... which, metaphorically speaking, keep you "in the same place".

The former IMHO is silly and probably unhealthy. The latter is probably good.

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posted by c4r0lyn on February 4th, 2012 at 12:01PM

I meant the latter. I broke the cycle. I thought that was clear.

Re: the former
Oh absolutely. Incidentally, it cannot involve a replacement of one bad relationship for another. This doesn't break the cycle.

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Lyrics to Don Henley's Heart of the Matter
posted by c4r0lyn on February 4th, 2012 at 10:59AM

I got the call today. I didn't wanna hear but I knew that it would come.
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone - She said you found someone.
And I thought of all the bad luck,and the struggles we went through, and how I lost me and you lost you.

What are these voices outside love's open door [that] make us throw off our contentment, and beg for something more?

I'm learning to live without you now but I miss you sometimes.
The more I know, the less I understand all the things I thought I knew.

I'm learning again.

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter, but my will gets weak, and my thoughts seem to scatter, but I think it's about forgiveness even if you don't love me anymore.

These times are so uncertain - there's a yearning, people filled with rage.
We all need a little tenderness. How can love survive in such a graceless age?

The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness -
They're the very things we [you and I] kill, I guess.
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms and the work I put between us doesn't keep me warm.

I'm learning to live without you now, but I miss you, baby.
The more I know, the less I understand all the things I thought I figured out.

I have to learn again.

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter, but everything changes, and my friends seem to scatter, but I think it's about forgiveness even if you don't love me anymore.

There are people in your life who've come and gone.
They let you down and hurt your pride.
Better put it all behind you; life goes on.
[If] you keep carrying that anger,it'll eat you inside.

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter,
But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter,
But I think it's about forgiveness even if you don't love me anymore.

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore.

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posted by c4r0lyn on February 4th, 2012 at 12:29PM

I think there's progress.

When we started the relationship, I dedicated the following song to DSK:

Runaway, The Corrs

Say it's true, there's nothing like me and you.
[and that I'm] not alone - tell me you feel it, too.

And I would runaway, I would runaway, yeah, I would runaway, I would runaway with you.

[Chorus]
Cause I have fallen in love with you; no never have I,
I'm never gonna stop falling in love with you.

Close the door, lay down upon the floor and by candlelight, make love to me through the night cause I have runaway, I have runaway, yeah, I have runaway, runaway, I have runaway with you.

[Chorus]

And I would runaway, I would runaway, yeah, I would runaway, I would runaway with you.

[Chorus]

//
After a couple of years in the relationship, I dedicated the following to DSK:

On The Way Down, Ryan Cabrera

[I'm] sick and Tired of this world; there's no more air.
[I'm] trippin' over myself goin' nowhere, waiting, suffocating.

[With] no direction, I took a dive, and on the way down,
I saw you, and you saved me from myself.
And I won't forget the way you loved me.
On the way down, I almost fell right through, but I held onto you.

I've been wondering why it's only me. Have you always been inside waiting to breathe?
It's alright - Sunlight on my face.
I wake up and yeah, I'm alive!

'cause on the way down, I saw you, and you saved me from myself.
And I won't forget the way you loved me.
On the way down, I almost fell right through, but I held onto you.

I was so afraid of going under, but now the weight of the world feels like nothing, no, nothing.

You're all I wanted. You're all I needed. You're all I wanted. You're all I needed.

And I won't forget the way you loved me.
On the way down, I saw you, and you saved me from myself,
and I won't forget the way you loved me.
On the way down, I almost fell right through, but I held onto you.

But I held onto you. But I held onto you

//
Several more years, and I dedicated the following:

My Immortal, Evanescence

I'm so tired of being here - suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave.
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone.

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years,
But you still have all of me.

You used to captivate me by your resonating light.
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams.
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time cannot erase.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, but though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me.

//
After more time, I dedicated the following:

Gravity lyrics, Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall.
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be, but you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile when I thought that I was strong, but you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall.
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.

But you're neither friend nor foe, though I can't seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down. You're keeping me down.

You're on to me, on to me and all over.

Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long.
//

Now, I go with Heart of the Matter.

That's gotta be progress.

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