Solifuckingtude
posted by Riyaffs on October 10th, 2022 at 3:43PM
posted by Riyaffs on October 10th, 2022 at 3:43PM
It’s been a quiet day, Dennis. How have you been? Have you been good? I’ve been medium-key afraid you’re gonna "blend" with your crazy family. I’m okay being alone pretty much, but I’d honestly feel lost and shit if you go nuts. Our relationship with sanity has to be taken seriously. No one can fuck with my right to live an honest life. Also, wtf, this website isn’t letting me log into my previous account. I really like the name Riyathecoolgirl. Being hetero isn’t much of a brag.
I took ONE pill for my cramps. And let’s just say I don’t like being numb. I’m not happy enough, I’m not angry or sad enough. It’s kinda fucking with my humanness. Might as well be in a coma, jk.
I was talking to this friend and that son of a bitch made me nostalgic and now idk what to do with this heavy feeling. Ngl almost every night my body longs to be seated in an uncomfortable, reclining bus seat in the dark in a bus filled with sleepy strangers. I could ride in it forever. I was telling him how I ran away from home and everything and now I miss being alone like that. Sure I was depressed and unproductive and overall kinda pathetic in Jibhi, but I still appreciated Earth. At least at that latitude.
I was telling that guy how beautiful it all was. My favourite thing was probably stargazing. All this beauty on the ground and up in the sky, on display for me. Nothing can compare with geography like that imo. Girls with pumped up tits or a good fucking pizza won’t last you that long. You have no idea how grateful I was and will forever be for the majestic trees and the skies.
I also told him how honesty is beautiful. And nature is brutally honest. It’s eternally beautiful by default. Don’t you think I deserve to be immortal for being a living person and trying my best to stay sane? I wasn’t born with a silver spoon up my ass, mountain. Don’t I deserve something, idk, more, for BEING more?
I mean I didn’t carry a camera and go nuts with it. No I didn’t take pictures of every single thing I saw. But almost every single thing I saw was flawless. I can’t even define what flaws are anymore. Just, what are they really.
I mean can you BELIEVE that one day, probably soon, my memory will fade and it’ll be like I never felt this beautiful feeling ever? Like I never saw what I saw, felt what I felt. I’ll die, my thoughts will disappear into thin air, the individual and all her belongings will be non existent and meaningless. But no, those fucking non feeling mountains get to be there for years and years to come. I hate being limited by my mortal body. Humans are stupid but beautiful. As I was telling him, mammals are beautiful. Signs of life are beautiful. When nature meets life, it’s just meant to be. It’s god’s plan.
I love listening to my softbois while I look at the sky, all alone. Well, it’s me and my softbois with their guitar songs. Who’s gonna remind me of how I felt and looked at? Sigh, mortality. Idk how humans do it. I can’t come to terms with my own mortality. I don’t have to be human forever, I just wanna be around. I can be an ugly, giant insect with this brain, all its memories and knowledge. I can learn to fly and crawl. I just wanna be around man. Have senses, they help remind me I’m an individual living her life.
Shanu is a part of this beauty. It makes up my life over the last few months. Bobby is just like the non feeling nature around him. He’s very good in pictures, pretty, exotic and enticing. I remember you saying something about how beautiful nature is often dangerous. That does make sense. There’s a risk with beauty and temptations like that. But boy is it magical. Fuck I’m sleepy
I took ONE pill for my cramps. And let’s just say I don’t like being numb. I’m not happy enough, I’m not angry or sad enough. It’s kinda fucking with my humanness. Might as well be in a coma, jk.
I was talking to this friend and that son of a bitch made me nostalgic and now idk what to do with this heavy feeling. Ngl almost every night my body longs to be seated in an uncomfortable, reclining bus seat in the dark in a bus filled with sleepy strangers. I could ride in it forever. I was telling him how I ran away from home and everything and now I miss being alone like that. Sure I was depressed and unproductive and overall kinda pathetic in Jibhi, but I still appreciated Earth. At least at that latitude.
I was telling that guy how beautiful it all was. My favourite thing was probably stargazing. All this beauty on the ground and up in the sky, on display for me. Nothing can compare with geography like that imo. Girls with pumped up tits or a good fucking pizza won’t last you that long. You have no idea how grateful I was and will forever be for the majestic trees and the skies.
I also told him how honesty is beautiful. And nature is brutally honest. It’s eternally beautiful by default. Don’t you think I deserve to be immortal for being a living person and trying my best to stay sane? I wasn’t born with a silver spoon up my ass, mountain. Don’t I deserve something, idk, more, for BEING more?
I mean I didn’t carry a camera and go nuts with it. No I didn’t take pictures of every single thing I saw. But almost every single thing I saw was flawless. I can’t even define what flaws are anymore. Just, what are they really.
I mean can you BELIEVE that one day, probably soon, my memory will fade and it’ll be like I never felt this beautiful feeling ever? Like I never saw what I saw, felt what I felt. I’ll die, my thoughts will disappear into thin air, the individual and all her belongings will be non existent and meaningless. But no, those fucking non feeling mountains get to be there for years and years to come. I hate being limited by my mortal body. Humans are stupid but beautiful. As I was telling him, mammals are beautiful. Signs of life are beautiful. When nature meets life, it’s just meant to be. It’s god’s plan.
I love listening to my softbois while I look at the sky, all alone. Well, it’s me and my softbois with their guitar songs. Who’s gonna remind me of how I felt and looked at? Sigh, mortality. Idk how humans do it. I can’t come to terms with my own mortality. I don’t have to be human forever, I just wanna be around. I can be an ugly, giant insect with this brain, all its memories and knowledge. I can learn to fly and crawl. I just wanna be around man. Have senses, they help remind me I’m an individual living her life.
Shanu is a part of this beauty. It makes up my life over the last few months. Bobby is just like the non feeling nature around him. He’s very good in pictures, pretty, exotic and enticing. I remember you saying something about how beautiful nature is often dangerous. That does make sense. There’s a risk with beauty and temptations like that. But boy is it magical. Fuck I’m sleepy
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posted by dennisn on October 12th, 2022 at 11:08AM
> Dennis. How have you been? Have you been good?
Our Thanksgiving 10th was a normal day, no big feast or family gathering. That would have been great (don't need fancy food or stuff or large groups to be special), but the actual reason it was so low-key was they pushed everyone away. My bro's cow-snake invited them to have it at her place, and they refused. I'd like to think they refused cuz of me, but it's more likely my mom took it gayly as a personal insult, as a passive aggressive girly tactic to signal that she's being replaced / usurped / overthrown as the matriarch. > I’ve been medium-key afraid you’re gonna "blend" with your crazy family I appreciate you keeping an eye out for me <3. > Our relationship with sanity has to be taken seriously. Yes! That's the only thing that made my last trainwreck worthwhile. > Being hetero isn’t much of a brag. I like it. From a glance it looks like "hero". It's also a poke at the gay lgbt crap - being proud of one's genetics, what an accomplishment :). It's also kinda a flirty tease. > I took ONE pill for my cramps. And let’s just say I don’t like being numb. What was the pill // what was the effect? That sounds horrible, numbness. > Girls with pumped up tits or a good fucking pizza won’t last you that long. *awkwardly averts eye contact* > You have no idea how grateful I was and will forever be for the majestic trees and the skies. Yea I think in a very real way, we're connected to and need nature. Walking through forests, for example, have been shown to have therapeutic benefits. Maybe even just looking at them (eg. being placed in hospital rooms with a view of them). > Mountain, don’t I deserve something, idk, more, for BEING more? You did get more :D. Mountains and trees don't get to move, or experience much. And it's not like mountains or trees are immortal. Most trees die after a few hundred years. Mountains die too with the constantly shifting surfaces of the earth. > I mean can you BELIEVE that one day, probably soon, my memory will fade and it’ll be like I never felt this beautiful feeling ever? That does sound pretty bad when you put it like that, but what's the alternative -- would you rather have old useless past memories trump or clash with present ones? Memory is weird. Ig it's essential for identity, but it's also a ball and chains. > Humans are stupid but beautiful. Yea. > I can’t come to terms with my own mortality. Nobody can. We're all secretly in jealous rage that our generation won't have the cure for aging -- it's coming, but won't be ready in time for us. We're all shipmates on the Titanic. Perhaps this is the root of all war and conflict -- a pathetic awkward evasion of the fact that the ship is sinking and there's nothing we can do about it. > I can be an ugly, giant insect with this brain, all its memories and knowledge. Insects only live for a few hours :P. Hmm... the things I could do as an insect on a wall... |
