TrueStoryOfTheDay: Some fun at work
posted by dennisn on September 3rd, 2013 at 6:26PM

One day, a lonely middle-aged fellow was killing time in a machine shop and feeling a little frisky. Apparently a thrill seeker with too much testosterone or a heretofore unidentified brand of functional retardation, the man sought a more exciting masturbation method. He had apparently made it a tradition to rub one out by grinding his genitals against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery.

You can see where this is going.

If you've ever humped a piece of shop equipment then you know how easy it is to lose yourself in the moment. You may also know how easy it is to get your scrotum caught in it and get tossed across the room by your now-torn open sack.

In lieu of the normal response of weeping in the fetal position while holding together his devastated dick meat, the guy grabbed the nearest staple gun and proceeded to pump eight one-inch staples into himself in a feeble attempt to patch together what was left of his sack.

Then he finished his shift.

He only went to the hospital three days later for treatment of a potential infection. At the hospital doctors found an impressive infection and another surprise, the entire left testicle was missing (likely some lucky coworker stumbled upon it at work later in the week).

The doctor wouldn't release the man's name for privacy reasons.

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